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Words that came out of the mouths of my family members (okay, some of them may or may not have come out of my mouth) over the weekend in a small town in Georgia where my grandfather was getting married (I’ll get to that story later):

* “That neighbor’s good and dead.  The new one’s an old maid.”

* [aunts and I talking about panty hose; male family member pipes up]: “You don’t wear hoes.  You buy ’em.”

* “I saw this brother the other day…” [no idea where that story was going; my mind was blown at “brother”]

* “I poop three times a day.  I’m a vegan.”

* Family Member A: “All the cousins were born in clusters.”  Family Member B: “That’s what you call a cluster f—.”

* [2 year-old is stomping his feet in the fellowship hall following the wedding]: “Don’t be doin’ that too often. This is a Baptist church.  You might be accused of dancing.”

* [Family Member A shows a picture of her new husband to another Family Member B] Family Member B: “Well, he looks like a nice old man.”

* [headline on the front page of local paper states, “Drive-By Flu Shot Clinic to Open”]: “Gives a new meaning to ‘drive-by shootin’,’ don’t it?”

*(this one is a recalled memory about my grandmother, from when she was recovering from chemo.  It was talked about over the weekend, so I’m going to say it counts) [after the “passing of the peace” during church, she hands a bottle of Purell to another family member] “Here; wash the fellowship off.”

 

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5 responses »

  1. Ha! These are hilarious! So glad you had the presence of mind amidst the hilarity to record these for posterity…and for us!

    Reply
  2. Okay, Caroline, where did you have that recording device hidden?

    It was wonderful to see you. Here’s another one for you…..this occurred at at funeral when I was sitting with your grandmother. It was one of those truly long, Southern funerals with multiple preachers preaching. Your grandmother leaned over (about an hour and a half into this funeral) and whispered, “Reckon they’re ever gonna get him buried?”

    I thought your grandfather was going to take both of us out of the church because we got so tickled!

    Reply
    • @Deloris – I kept a memo going on my phone and added notes.to it throughout the weekend.

      I am impresses that you found this so quickly considering that I didn’t post or on Facebook due to the large family presence on Facebook! Glad to know I actually have some readers. :) are you on twitter? Come follow me @CChanceDesigns.

      Reply
      • No, not on Twitter. I check your blog every week to 10 days. I just had a hunch you’d have something new after this weekend! After all……lots of good material.

        BTW….I like the name and the story behind it.

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