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A Halloween Horror Story

My mom is a very sweet, very good person.  I mean, really good.  I’ve never heard her say the word “crap.”  You can imagine all the words beyond “crap” that I’ve definitely never heard her say.

Driving home tonight after a long work-gym-groceries day, I called her for a chat.  She was probably being a good neighbor handing out Halloween candy.  Her phone went to voice mail, but I didn’t leave a message because, well, she’s my mom.  If she sees my missed call, she’ll call me back.  I hit “end” and set the phone in my lap.

I was in the far left lane, following a respectful distance behind a car that should probably have gotten over into the lane to the right but that was still moving along at a nice pace.  Dude behind me thought I was going too slow, though, and proceeded to get so close to my back bumper that I couldn’t see his headlights or hood in my front mirror.  There were cars on the right, so he couldn’t speed past that way.

“Where do you think you’re gonna go, A-hole?!”

‘Cause I like to talk out loud to other drivers when I’m alone in my car.  And this is one of the least offensive things I say.

I really dragged out the  “-hoooooole,” and that’s right about the time that I looked down to see that I did not, in fact, end the phone call that my mother’s answering machine picked up.  I quickly grabbed the phone, maybe heard the tail end of the beep, and ended the phone call – for real this time.

I’d say it’s a 50/50 chance that my mother got a voice mail from me tonight that just says, “…A-hole?!”

She hasn’t called me back yet.

 

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2 responses »

  1. Well, I’m certain is won’t be the first time she has heard the terminology…..just the first time from her ‘baby girl’s’ mouth! Look on the bright side – you’re far enough away that you probably don’t run the risk of having your mouth washed out with soap. Haha!

    Reply

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