I always have the big “P” word looming in the back of my head. I guess it could also be the big “C” word or “K” word, but it’s the “P” part that scares me. Being a PARENT. I’m excited to one day have children (kids) and to be a parent, but the logistics of parenting – along with working and wife-ing and all the balancing that everything will require – really freaks me out. Really, part of me would like to just put a big stop sign on the whole idea of it for another 5 years. Usually that part of me only hangs around for about 2 weeks, and then biology kicks in for another 2 weeks and I’m like, “OH MY GOD. BABIES. NOW.”
I recently read Sex at Dawn: the Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. I started to become aware of my I-want-a-baby cycles and how they coincide with a certain other cycle. I was curious how the awareness of that would hold up against the hormone rages and whether, in the midst of the I-want-a-baby part of the cycle, I’d pull the whole this-isn’t-hormones-talking-I-feel-like-this-all-the-time thing and try to convince myself that it was true. Interestingly, so far at least, it seems as though my brain is winning.
Brain – 1 ; Hormones – 0.
I’m pretty well into what would normally be an I-want-a-baby cycle right now and my current thoughts on being a parent (right now; not in general)? Uh, not so much. Sure, there’s never a right time to have a baby. I’ve heard that from just about every parent we know. But just because there will never be a perfect time doesn’t mean we need to jump into it right now either. If it were to happen right now, we’d be fine. We’d be more than fine. We’d embrace it and jump in with both feet. But when we feel hesitant, not sure if we’re ready to choose the changes and challenges that come along with being parents, then why would we?
But, fair warning: I may change my mind – er, hormones – on all of this tomorrow.